VOICES: The Art Of Forgetting: Learning To See The Mother Who’s Still Here

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In a first-person essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, Robert G. Fishman describes how caring for his mother with dementia led him to create paintings about memory loss. He says the work helped him stop trying to make her remember and instead focus on the relationship and recognition that remain.

Artist and writer Robert G. Fishman says a series of paintings inspired by his mother’s dementia helped him shift from trying to restore her memories to paying attention to the connection they still share. In an essay published by Being Patient on October 7, 2026, Fishman recounts how his mother’s decline became apparent and how making art changed his response to it.

Fishman writes that he spoke with his mother daily after she was widowed in 1999. She moved into independent living in her early 90s, but he initially read changes in her behavior as normal aging. By age 94, she was struggling to use her phones. A visit in late 2023 revealed a more serious situation: he found her apartment in poor condition, with an empty refrigerator and a strong smell of cat urine. His mother said everything was fine and, he wrote, did not notice the odor.

A neurologist diagnosed his mother with early-stage dementia, according to Fishman. He says she rejected the diagnosis and refused further testing. Moving her from Florida to Maryland, nearer to family, addressed practical concerns, but he continued to struggle emotionally. He describes correcting her, becoming angry when she could not do familiar tasks, and feeling guilty about his own reactions.

After returning to painting following retirement, Fishman began making landscapes and then removing details in successive versions. He called the works “Deconstructed Landscapes.” He later understood them as a way to represent his mother’s changing memory. Four paintings became the series “The Art of Forgetting.” Fishman says the process helped him accept that memory loss did not mean his mother had disappeared as a person.

How Art Changed His Visits

Fishman’s essay describes a change in his approach to caregiving: rather than pressing his mother to recall information or correcting her when she is mistaken, he says he now tries to enter her perspective. He writes that he visits her in a memory care unit about 10 minutes from his home, where he focuses on what remains of their relationship.

The account does not offer clinical findings or claim that art changes the course of dementia. Its value is as a personal account of how one family member made sense of memory loss and adjusted his behavior. For readers supporting someone with dementia, Fishman’s experience shows the emotional strain he faced—including frustration and guilt—alongside the effort to maintain connection as abilities change.

From Daily Calls to Memory Care

Fishman says his mother had feared developing Alzheimer’s because her own mother was diagnosed at 73 and died seven years later. When Fishman’s mother was still doing well at 93, he believed she might have avoided the same fate. He writes that daily phone conversations also made it harder to recognize the changes taking place; she continued to sound like herself, while the calls obscured conditions at home.

When local assisted living was unacceptable to his mother, Fishman and his family persuaded her to move closer to them in Maryland. The move helped with day-to-day care, but he says it did not immediately resolve his anger or grief. His paintings developed alongside that adjustment, giving him a visual way to work through an experience he felt unable to understand directly.

““Over my dead body.””

— Robert G. Fishman, describing his mother’s resistance to assisted living

What the Essay Does Not Establish

Fishman’s account is a personal essay, not an independent assessment of his mother’s condition. The source does not provide her medical records, the date or details of her diagnosis beyond “early-stage dementia,” or the results of any further evaluation; Fishman says she declined additional testing. It also does not specify her current symptoms or how her condition has changed since moving into memory care.

The essay describes painting as a source of understanding and emotional support for Fishman. It does not establish that making art affects dementia symptoms or progression, and it does not report a broader study of caregivers or patients.

Fishman’s Continuing Visits

Fishman says he continues to visit his mother in the memory care unit near his home, approaching their time together without trying to make her remember or return to her former abilities. The essay does not announce a new clinical development or set out a future research plan. It presents his ongoing visits and paintings as part of how he is living with the changes in their relationship.

Key Questions

Who wrote “The Art of Forgetting”?

Robert G. Fishman, a retired college professor and nonprofit executive, visual artist and author, wrote the essay for Being Patient. It was published on October 7, 2026.

What are Fishman’s “Deconstructed Landscapes”?

They are a series of paintings in which Fishman began with a recognizable landscape and removed details across successive versions. He says he later understood the process as a way to represent his mother’s changing memory.

What does Fishman say changed in his caregiving?

He says he stopped trying to correct his mother or make her remember and instead tried to meet her in her experience. He describes this as entering her world rather than bringing her back into his.

Did painting change his mother’s dementia?

The essay does not say that painting changed or treated his mother’s dementia. Fishman describes the artwork as helping him understand the experience and cope with his own reactions.

Source: rss