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In a Seniors Guide advice column dated Oct. 26, 2026, R. Eric Thomas responded to a 75-year-old man who says he feels trapped in a 45-year marriage affected by his wife’s long-term mental health struggles. Thomas encouraged him to think through the practicalities of a different living arrangement and seek professional support, rather than treating leaving as a decision he must make alone.
Advice columnist R. Eric Thomas has responded to a 75-year-old man who says he is considering leaving his 45-year marriage but feels afraid and responsible for his wife, who has experienced long-term mental health difficulties. In a column published by Seniors Guide on Oct. 26, 2026, Thomas urged the reader to consider what separation would involve in practice and to seek help planning for both spouses.
The reader, identified by the pseudonym “Self-imprisoned,” wrote that his wife has received treatment for about 30 years for what he described as treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder. He said that mental health professionals and close friends had told him the relationship was damaging his mental health and advised him to leave. Those statements are the reader’s account; the column provides no independent assessment of the couple or the wife’s diagnosis.
The man said he had stayed because of a vow, compassion for his wife and concern that she depends on him and would be devastated if he left. He also said he no longer felt love or respect, wanted a healthy relationship before he died, and was afraid to leave at 75, with friends but no family to rely on. He reported that counselors had described the couple as codependent.
Thomas acknowledged the suffering the reader described and suggested that illness and caregiving strain may have changed the marriage. Rather than recommending an immediate departure, he asked whether the people advising the reader to leave had helped him work through practical questions: where he would go and what he would do. He said changing the arrangement would take more than packing a suitcase and encouraged support from a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples.
Planning Beyond the Decision to Leave
The column addresses a difficult choice in which emotional wellbeing, caregiving, age and practical dependence intersect. The reader describes both a desire for a different relationship and concern about the harm a separation could cause his wife. Thomas’s response reframes the decision as more than a question of whether to stay: it also involves how each person could be supported if the relationship changes.
That distinction matters for readers facing a strained partnership or caregiving role. Advice to leave may not resolve where either person would live, what support is available, or how responsibilities would be handled. Thomas’s column does not offer a clinical judgment or a universal answer; it points instead toward planning with professional help and not making the future one person’s burden alone.
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A 45-Year Marriage Under Strain
The report is an advice-column exchange, not a clinical evaluation, legal account or investigation into the marriage. The reader described decades of treatment for his wife and said the couple’s counselors had called their relationship codependent. The column does not name those professionals or provide details about the treatment, the couple’s living arrangements or any specific safety concerns.
Thomas is described by Seniors Guide as a national bestselling author, playwright and screenwriter who writes the “Asking Eric” advice column. In this response, he suggested the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist skilled in helping codependent couples. He also stressed that a change in the marriage could involve an arrangement for both spouses, rather than simply one person leaving without a plan.
““There are ways for a couple, codependent or not, to acknowledge that what they have isn’t working and make a plan for both of them to transition to a different arrangement.””
— R. Eric Thomas, in his reply to the reader
Details the Column Does Not Establish
The column does not establish whether the man will leave, whether he has begun making a plan, or what his wife’s treatment and care needs are. It also does not independently verify the diagnoses the reader mentioned, the advice he says he received from professionals and friends, or the counselors’ characterization of the relationship.
There are no details about the couple’s finances, housing options, access to services, or the wife’s own perspective. The advice is based on the reader’s letter and should not be read as a clinical assessment or a directive that every reader in a difficult marriage should separate.
Support Before Any Change
Thomas recommended that the reader consider working with a marriage and family therapist experienced in codependent relationships and use that support to examine possible arrangements. He also suggested Beattie’s Codependent No More as a resource. The column does not report a follow-up or a decision by the reader, so it is unknown whether he will pursue therapy or change the marriage.
For the man, the next steps described in the reply are questions to work through: where he might live, what daily life could look like and how both spouses could be supported. The response leaves the ultimate choice with the reader while emphasizing that he need not make or carry out a plan alone.
Key Questions
What did the reader ask Eric Thomas?
A 75-year-old man wrote that he was considering leaving a 45-year marriage but felt afraid, bound by his vow and concerned about his wife’s dependence on him. He said the relationship had affected his mental health and that he wanted a healthy relationship before he died.
Did Thomas tell him to leave his wife?
No. Thomas did not instruct the reader to leave or stay. He encouraged him to consider what a different arrangement would involve and to seek support in planning for both spouses.
What did the reader say about his wife’s health?
The reader described his wife as having treatment-resistant depression and/or bipolar disorder and said she had been receiving treatment for about 30 years. Those details come from his letter; the column does not independently verify a diagnosis or treatment history.
What resources did Thomas suggest?
Thomas suggested Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and working with a marriage and family therapist experienced with codependent couples. He also urged the reader not to handle the future alone.
Source: seniorsguide.com
